If, as Keats said, beauty is truth and truth beauty, is Donald Trump a big fat liar? Could be, based on the newest object of his ire, the empirically attractive Angelina Jolie.
"Angelina Jolie is sort of amazing because everyone thinks she's like this great beauty," the self-promotion-addicted tycoon told Larry King earlier this week while shilling his new book, which shall remain nameless so as not to help the boorish. "And I'm not saying she's an unattractive woman, but she's not [a] beauty, by any stretch of the imagination."
And just in case you're wondering how the Donald, a man who wears a bedraggled muskrat on his head and calls it a comb-over, is able to judge someone else's comeliness, just let him explain.
"I really understand beauty," he swaggers. "And I will tell you, she's not -- I do own Miss Universe. I do own Miss USA. I mean, I own a lot of different things. I do understand beauty, and she's not."
Sure, some might take issue with Trump comparing the sash-wearing, swimsuit-competing contestants in his cheese-tastic pageants to Brad Pitt's more glamorous half, but perhaps if he repeats himself enough, it'll start to sound true.
"And now she's like this great beauty who is representing world peace and the United Nations.
It's called give me a break," gripes Melania's less pouty and squinty half. "But she's not -- in terms of beauty -- she's not a great beauty. She's a nice looking woman. She's OK. But she's not a great beauty."
Or hey, maybe if he brings up that long-ago lip-lock Jolie infamously shared on Oscar night with brother James Haven, that'll help prove his point.
"And I remember at the Academy Awards a few years ago she was Frenching her brother. She was giving her brother lip kisses like I never saw before in my life," he rambles. "And she had just said she made love to Billy Bob Thornton in the back of the limousine on the way over. And I wouldn't want to shake her hand, by the way."
Continues the apparent germ-phobe, "And now she's representing the United Nations and world peace. I don't get it."
Not that he's unimpressed with what Angelina has accomplished, image-wise.
"Oh, by the way, she's done an amazing transformation. I give her credit," he allows. "If you would have had the things and done the things that she did, and to be this representative of women and the world, is incredible. So I give her great credit. She's done one of the great transformations I've ever seen."
While it's a good bet Jolie will give as much thought to these ungentlemanly comments as she does to one of Shiloh's poopy diapers, the onetime Sexiest Woman Alive isn't alone in the Donald's dissing.
Also failing to meet his expectations: reigning (and two-time) Sexiest Man Alive George Clooney, whom he's met exactly once.
"The perception of George Clooney is he's a big, strong handsome guy," says Trump. "And he was very little when I met him. It's OK. Nothing wrong with it. He's doing just fine."
And even though size really (really) doesn't matter when it comes to comparing Clooney to Trump, for the record, the debonair, salt-and-pepper-topped megastar is only about three inches shorter than the mouthy, 6-foot-2 mogul.
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