‘Idol’ 101: Who's who, and how does it work?

Jumping on the bandwagon? Your guide to everything from Abdul to a'ight

By Craig Berman
MSNBC contributor

“American Idol,” which completes its sixth season this week, has become a pop-culture phenomenon, and anyone not familiar with it risks being left out of all the conversations and speculation at the office and over the Internet. But despite what the ratings may say, not everyone in the known universe watches the show.

Haven’t been able to tear yourself away from “Criminal Minds” long enough to get a sense of what this strange obsession is all about? Here’s a quick primer on what everyone else is talking about.

The Format“American Idol” isn’t rocket science. Singers sing. Judges make comments. Viewers pick the winner.

Essentially, it’s just that simple. “Idol” has become a ratings juggernaut by taking the plain old talent show, polishing it up with glitz and glamour, and making it look like something new and different.

There are a few key wrinkles. This isn’t a one-viewer, one-vote affair. It’s more like stereotypical Chicago politics, where partisans are encouraged to vote early and often. Those with a tendency to obsess over their favorite entertainers have a natural outlet for their fanaticism.

But at its roots, “Idol” is the talent competition every town has at the local civic center, except that it’s on national television and the prize isn’t a gift certificate to Applebee's.

The show is also a global phenomenon. The program began in Britain, as "Pop Idol," and has expanded across the globe. At this point, it’s hard to find a country that doesn’t have its own version of the show, so any complaints about this being a sign of low-brow nature of American entertainment doesn’t wash. Turn to “My Super Sweet 16” for those discussions instead.

The Judges

Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul, and Simon Cowell have been the ruling troika since the show’s first season. Occasionally a guest judge joins them, but normally they look as out of place as a mom tagging along to a senior prom.

Once they've selected the 24 semifinalists, the judges' role in the competition is limited to offering commentary. But they still have a lot of power because their opinions carry significant weight. As the competition tightens, the talent difference between the contestants tends to shrink. If they tell the audience to vote for Pedro, a significant crowd will do just that. So the contestants have to smile and pretend to take the judges seriously even as they’re wondering how any of them can, for example, claim to have never heard of a contemporary hit that’s on the radio 12 times an hour.

Randy is the first to give comments. If he likes a contestant, look for him to use “dawg,” “hot” and “the bomb” in various combinations. The more of those words he uses, the better he likes the performance. “You were the bomb, dawg – that was hot” is the generic compliment of choice. On the other hand, a contestant never wants to hear Randy start off with “Keeping it real.” That’s almost always followed by either “it was just a’ight for me” or “it wasn’t good.”

Anyone daring to sing something by Stevie Wonder, Whitney Houston, or anyone else Randy either worked with or idolized is a good bet to get those kind of comments.

Paula is the cheerleader, and as such she smiles and says nice things even as it sometimes appears that she isn’t really paying attention in class. Her comments on the vocals tend to be a mirror of whatever Randy just said, but she’s always good for an additional compliment on how nice the contestant looks (they all look "beautiful" or "fabulous".) Even when Paula offers criticism, she does so with good cheer and makes them sound more palatable, offering a glassful of sugar to help the medicine go down. Any contestant who hears Paula’s feedback and doesn’t feel good about themselves is probably in serious trouble.

Simon is the only judge who matters. Don’t believe it? Just ask him.

Simon’s main talent is saying critical things in a nasty way and getting away with it because he’s usually right and he always says it in a British accent. A contestant doesn’t sing poorly, he sings like a bad cabaret performer in a nightclub in Lisbon. He’s gotten away from creative similes this season, which may be why the ratings are a little down.

On the other hand, Simon tends to be looking for a specific sound from a specific singer, and that changes every week depending on his mood.

He’ll tell people to take more risks one week, and then complain that he hasn’t heard of the song selected or he doesn’t like the arrangement when the singer actually takes his advice. Anyone who picks an alt-rock or college-radio song written in the past decade does so knowing that Simon’s going to comment that he’s unfamiliar with it. On the other hand, those who stick to the standards will probably get gripes about sounding old.

The contestants take Simon’s comments more seriously than the rest, because the perception is that his words carry more weight. They’ll nod as Randy and Paula make their observations, but the big smile breaks out only if Simon also approves.